I have mom guilt for even admitting this but it is so true for me; I do not like the baby stage! I’m not talking about newborn stage either because that would be a completely different category. As a newborn, they eat, sleep, and poop. Sure, you lose some sleep but it is nothing compared to when they hit about 5-6 months.
Before I had kids, I was baby crazy! I literally had baby fever when I still was a baby and I could not wait to have my own. Whenever I would see a baby, I HAD to go over and admire how adorable they were while my uterus screamed at me to get pregnant. I knew I was just going to be the best mom in the world because I wanted it so bad and I must be natural, right? What were all of these mom’s complaining about? Babies were easy! I know all of you moms are chuckling or rolling your eyes because maybe you thought the exact same thing.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my kids more that life itself and I could not be happier to be a mom and have two creatures that I created myself! (No offense hubby…I want all the credit for these.) But how the heck do I communicate with a 9 month old? I can’t! It was so hard to watch her cry and not understand what she needed or wanted and It ate me up inside. I felt like I should have known because my bond with her was so strong. There are two examples that stick out in my mind.
When Adalina was around a year old, she was acting out and refused to be wiped when she would go in her diaper. I was freaking out. Being a stay at home mom and around her 24/7, I knew that nothing had happened to her but for some reason, she would not let me change her diaper. I thought maybe she had an infection so I took her to the doctor. Yes, she had a mild infection but since we were there, the doctor gave her a small exam. Turned out that she had a double extremely severe ear infection. I know ear infections are common but the doctor said on a scale of 1-10, it was a 10 and I should have known something was wrong with them. He would not stop insisting that I look inside her ears because he was shocked at how bad they were.
She never gave me any signs that she was in pain with her ears! She never communicated that to me! I felt like the worst mom in the world because I should have known. I’m not sure why, but I should have. That was the first time someone else made me feel like I was not good enough as a mom, though I did that fine all by myself.
The other time was also with my daughter. I knew I wanted to breastfeed and that was extremely important to me (I will write a whole post on breastfeeding another time) but for some reason, she would not latch. I spent thousands of dollars on anything and everything I could to get my supply up, her to latch, etc. but nothing worked. Fast forward almost two years, she fell and was bleeding profusely from her mouth. I took her to the dentist and her lip tie had broken. The dentist said it was one of the worst lip ties he had ever seen. WHAT? How did I not know that? Why didn’t my newborn baby just tell me that so I could fix it? And the obvious, how did the professionals not catch that?
Apparently I am not about the guessing game when it comes to babies. I love that now my daughter can tell me that her tummy hurts or she wants me to come and look at something. I cannot wait for my son to be two. I am loving the newborn stage but I know the switch is going to flip and I will have to go through it again.
The worst part is that I have the guilt of not enjoying it. I think that can be said for a lot of motherhood but for me, this was extreme. I wanted it so bad and I wanted to love it so much but it was not my reality. I have come to accept that and to go with the flow and enjoy it as much as I can! All I know is I am human and a mom and it IS okay to feel the way I do about it! Some love baby stage and some do not and there is nothing wrong with either.