Stay at home mom

Hilarious when your kid says it, but mortifying when mine says it

I don’t know about you, but my toddler can say some pretty embarrassing things when we are out in public. For example, she loves to scream “mommy poop, daddy poop” over and over when we are grocery shopping. You may walk by and laugh but I am dying a little bit inside. I thought that I just could not be the only one with great, embarrassing stories so I asked some moms on social media and came up with this compilation!
(All names have been removed and all posts remain anonymous. Warning: some vulgar language)

First, I will put my husband’s childhood on blast. He use to hang out at a nursing home that his father worked at. All of the elderly loved him and would regularly give him gifts. One gentleman gave him some cards that Dan decided to take with him to daycare for show and tell. (They were similar to baseball cards.) His mom received a phone call that day. Turns out they were cards with nude women on them.

My kids love to announce when someone farts especially in public and if it stinks they make it known.

 

Riding on public transportation, a large gentleman gets on, 3 year old proceeds to exclaim “OH MY GOD!!! HE’S HUGE!!!”

 

Muslim woman in full garb gets on, “LOOK!! IT’S A NINJA!! LOOK LOOK LOOK!! A NINJA!!”

 

If you ask my daughter her favorite animal, or she sees and armadillo she yells ‘Carmel dildo momma Carmel dildo.’

 

My daughter called me a “freaky bitch” yesterday. I was being silly to make the baby laugh and my daughter walked in, said “oh momma, you a freaky bitch!” Laughed and walked off.

 

When my daughter says “fast cars” it sounds like “fuc*ers” so she will see cars at the store and scream “LOOK AT THOSE FUC*ERS MOMMA!”

 

My daughter asked a young pubescent boy at the grocery checkout why his face hair looked so weird.

 

When my son was like 4 there was a checkout clerk at the store with a big mole on his face and my son said to him “HEY! YOU HAVE SOMETHING ON YOUR FACE, YOU SHOULD WASH IT OFF!” I felt so bad.

When my son was around 4 we saw a little person at the store and he yelled “LOOK! IM BIGGER THAN THAT GUY! WHY IS HE SO LITTLE?!”

 

My husband and I were walking in Walmart last night with my 7 year old. He said let’s go get milk and your “tampins” and go. So my little girl starts giggling and yells tampins tampins over and over.

 

My almost 2 year old was getting her shots and looked right at the nurse and said “fu*k you!”… took all of my strength to not bust out laughing….. the nurse stepped out in the hall and laughed.

 

The guy at the grocery store had a big gap in his teeth and my 4 year old said loudly “Mommy did he already lose his tooth?”

 

My son is obsessed with Thomas and friends (the trains). There is one named Percy. Well my son wasn’t good at pronouncing things yet and we were walking a very full toy section at Wal-Mart. When we got to the trains he says “mama! Pussy! (Percy) I LOVE PUSSY!”
I was MORTIFIED

 

Without fail every time we go to a public bathroom and I have to pee ” mom where is your penis?!”

 

Standing in line at Pomme de Pain (sandwich shop) and my kid says “remember the time I came out of your vagina mom?”

 

My daughter will fall or something and go “OW! MY BALLS!” 

 

 

This morning my daughter was waving enthusiastically at a blind man and got pretty bent when he didn’t wave back and called him rude.

 

When my daughter was 4 she proceeded to tell the woman in front of us at the grocery store that I had an owwee and was bleeding from my bottom. She happened to barge in on me while I was going to the bathroom that morning.

 

We were at the store, I have a cold and my whole family knows my last baby destroyed my bladder and I stopped crossed my legs and sneezed lol my 8 year old yells do you have to go to the bathroom now mom??

 

My 4 year old (at the time, 2) and I were at a friend’s wedding. I let him play a game on my phone while sitting with close friends. His character died, and he proceeded to say “oh f*ck!”. I was mortified.

 

My son had his 4yr old checkup and they have to check to make sure everything is growing right. Doctor is mid check on his balls he starts giggling, says to his doctor very sexy look on his face “you like it?” I can’t describe the look I must have had but doctor played it cool, “yep buddy I like that you have two of them”.

 

My kiddo (now almost 11) walked around yelling “douche” at age 4 after watching Kung Fu Panda say “skadoosh”.

 

My three year old shouted across a store that his penis was stuck to his balls when he went pee.

 

My kid literally screams “MOOOOO!!!” at people in the grocery store. Only in the store. He’s 3.

 

I was in Starbucks with my daughter on a ski trip. She is four and was in the bathroom stall with me. I was just peeing but she says very loudly Mom why does your face look like that? Are you going to poop? You look like you’re pooping? Gross mom I don’t want to be in here while you poop. The lady in the stall next to me tried her hardest but couldn’t help but laugh! I was mortified!

 

I hope you were able to get a good chuckle out of this. Comment below any of your experiences! I love reading them! I can’t wait to tell my kids all of the humiliation they have put me through.

 

6 Comments

  • Lisa Wingerter @ https://meandmymomfriends.com

    OMG Whoever decided the name Percy was a good idea should be publicly beaten by mothers everywhere! Haha We have the I Love P*ssy problem too! These are so funny! I recently did a roundup post of things parents say to their kids that they never thought they would. These types of posts are hilarious. They are always my favorite!!!

  • Samantha

    My daughter is just learning sentences, so I know these moments are coming. She is quite talkative around me! It’s good to know I won’t be alone in this!

  • Deimile Soares

    I DIED! But I’m happy to know my kids are not the only shits that come up with stuff like this! Once I was checking in at the gym and my daughter pointed at a very large man and asked out loud why he was so big. I died a 100 times inside and while I was thinking what to say the guy was so cool and said: “Hopefully not for long!”

  • Jenna

    All of these are sooo funny! As a parent of 2 toddlers this happens all the time to me. Those kids say the darnedest things. Just today we were at the mall and I had to pee. So I had to take my 2 toddlers into the stall with me. The older one is 3 and had just potty trained (finally)). But we get super excited when he goes on the potty. So of course I’m sitting there peeing and he is just telling me over and over what a great job I was doing and yelled Yay mom! When I was done. The lady in the next stall started to laugh and said sorry. That was just so cute. I guess you can look at it as cute. But still embarrassing!

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